tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15986899.post112999324004767863..comments2024-02-15T07:14:47.560-08:00Comments on The Wall Street Urinal: NEW CODE OF CONDUCT FOR THE HIGH YIELD BOND MARKETNick Goremanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02513393535942173465noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15986899.post-1132083676596612892005-11-15T11:41:00.000-08:002005-11-15T11:41:00.000-08:00True, the surest sign that the hedge fund universe...True, the surest sign that the hedge fund universe has topped out and seen its best day. Too crowded with too many amateurs.Nick Goremanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02513393535942173465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15986899.post-1132071941817685642005-11-15T08:25:00.000-08:002005-11-15T08:25:00.000-08:00Is there anybody left on the sell side? I thought ...Is there anybody left on the sell side? I thought all the guys who could do joined up handwriting had left to join hedge funds.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15986899.post-1131571493374849612005-11-09T13:24:00.000-08:002005-11-09T13:24:00.000-08:00Now there you have it....A buysider with some wit ...Now there you have it....A buysider with some wit and humor. Will wonders never cease!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15986899.post-1131569359904066342005-11-09T12:49:00.000-08:002005-11-09T12:49:00.000-08:00Response from the buy-side. Rule 1) IDEAS MEAN TR...Response from the buy-side. <BR/><BR/>Rule 1) IDEAS MEAN TRADES: When some asshole from Pressprich calls me and says his analyst is taking a look at Polypore bonds (it could be interesting!) I pay about as much attention as I do when my mother-in-law calls me with a hot “tip”. Unless the tip is a new way of talking her daughter out of her panties, I’m not even listening as she (or you) goes through your canned bullet points which amount to no more than a description of the pretty pictures in the annual report. I’m usually surfing internet porn when I tell you “I’ll take a look”, and by the time I’ve hung up the phone I’ve already forgotten that you called. And since you call and suggest every goddamn name that is trading, don’t be surprised when I actually decide to buy a bond that you recommended. Just rest assured that you had about as much to do with the idea as the guy who cold calls me to explain the latest Bloomberg function. I’ll buy the bonds from whoever has the lowest price; I’m not a fucking idiot….<BR/><BR/>Rule 2) YOU WANT THE INFO, YOU GIVE INFO: When I want a TREO 650, I walk over to the Verizon store on Boylston Street. I ask the bitch that works there how much they cost, how they work, how many people are buying them, and what he thinks about them. Unless he tells me something shocking, like the TREO will make my cinnamon ring fall out, I don’t really care what he thinks. When he is done speaking and I turn around and walk out the door without saying a word, he knows I don’t want one. If I say “bag it up skippy” he knows I do. That’s his fucking hint.<BR/><BR/>Rule 3) NO NEW ISSUE WHINING: The example you give is implausible. Not ONCE in my career have I gotten a cutback in proportion to the supposed oversubscription. Usually my bond salesman tells me the deal is 10x oversubscribed, but they are going to widen the deal 200 basis points out of the kindness of their fucking hearts. In these situations you can be rest assured that I am going to get filled because “I am such a good customer.” Then you guys can cover your short by buying back the $20 mm extra bonds I got after it falls 10 points before it even settles. Yes, I pad my orders. If it really is a good deal and I want $10 mm, I put in for $100 mm. Invariably I get $1 mm. Doesn’t matter if I was the first order, doesn’t matter if I flip or not, I get fucked. Amazingly, your prop desk seems to have a lot of bonds for sale at $105 in the gray market… <BR/><BR/>Rule 4) IF YOU ARE GOING TO FLIP, GIVE ME A TIP: Actually, after you fuck me by giving my 1% of the bonds I actually needed so that the position is meaningless, I wouldn’t hit you unless your bid was a half point above the cover; sometimes I am a fucking idiot.<BR/><BR/>Rule 5) TRACE SUCKS! You already had TRACE, except it was called an inter-dealer broker. So don’t complain now that the playing field is level. However, overall I agree with you on the trading logjams.<BR/><BR/>Rule 6) DON’T PUT AN ORDER OUT TO MULTIPLE BROKERS: Word. Only insurance companies and newbies are stupid enough to do this.<BR/><BR/>Rule 7) DON’T SIZE ME UNLESS YOU ARE READY TO TRADE: If you are giving me a firm bid, and I ask you how many you want there, you may end up wishing you had checked TRACE before I say "that's done".<BR/><BR/>Rule 8) I’M NOT ENTERTAINING YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU ARE A GREAT GUY: Look Sellside Sal, I’d rather sit in obstructed view with my friends than in the front row with you. If you want some business, send me some shitty tickets and stay home. The next time I need to buy some vanilla high yield, and you have the best price, I’ll do the trade with you.<BR/><BR/>Rule 9) DON’T MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A JACKASS: If I’m giving you an illiquid bond to sell at a price that is apparently 4 points above the market, rest assured that some scumbag dealer (thinking I was looking to BUY) gave me that price. I’m only giving YOU the order because you sent me the 40th row tickets to Blue Man Group.<BR/><BR/>Rule 10) DON’T HOLD ME UP FOR ¼ OF A POINT WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO TRADE SOME DISTRESSED CREDIT THAT IS EITHER GOING TO ZERO OR PAR: This is why your backup plan is a broadband internet salesman at Comcast. A ¼ point is a bigger commission on a $30 bond than it is on a par bond. Unfortunately, to prove this I would need to introduce you to division, multiplication’s tricky counterpart.<BR/><BR/><BR/>BBBOOOOOYAAAA KAASSHHHAAAAAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com