Hey guys. Nick here. Been awhile. A lot of shit goin' down in the meantime. Like my man, Charlie Sheen. Can you dig that freak? How can you not admire a guy who takes his wife and kids on a vacation to the Bahamas along with his porn star girlfriend and one of her skank pals. The guy seems to have his own peculiar notions of "family fun." Like back in December when he was caught in New York's Plaza Hotel on a massive coke bender with some porn whore who called the cops after Sheen locked her in the bathroom. And staying on the same floor were his ex-wife Denise Richards and his daughters, there to celebrate Christmas in New York with daddy. Talk about gonzo!
But you know, maybe the Sheenster isn't so nuts after all; maybe he's as crazy as a fox. Just look at all the publicity the guy has generated without having to give even a nickel to some parasitic PR agent. Supposedly his tweets have set some kind of world record for number of followers, scoring over a million just two days after Sheen opened his twitter account. In fact some ad agency in Beverly Hills has signed him to do product endorsements on his tweets. Charlie boy will probably make millions from this. Say what you will about him, namely that he's a dangerous wacko/nutjob/psychopath on some kind of self-immolation derby, but maybe he is winning. Like I said before and I'll say again, in 21st Century America, there is no such thing as bad publicity. Take Lindsay Lowlife, for example, or Paris "Wanna see my twat" Hilton. Charlie may be mad, but he might be a mad genius who has concocted one the greatest publicity stunts in history. No, he won't be doing his shtick anymore on CBS, unless the network wants to change the title of his show to "One and Half Men plus Lord Gaga." But other arenas and venues await him.
Image some of the product placements and ads that he could do on his tweets. Condoms are the first thing that come to mind, although I'm sure ole Charlie is a bareback rider himself. The promotion possibilities are endless: Viagra, Trilafon, Hustler Magazine. Cha-ching! Being such a connoisseur of porn, he could make his mark in that industry as a big time producer/director. Who knows but he might want to try his acting chops in some of the movies. With his career as a respectable actor now toast, he could do porn versions of past films, viz., Wall Street (Ball Street), Platoon (Slutoon), Major League (Major Sleaze)...you get the idea. Charlie's just the man to raise the porn industry from the sewer to Prime Time. And with cable channels starving for content, there has to be one out there that would dare to give Sheen his own show, kind of a contemporary version of Hugh Hephner's "Playboy After Dark," you know, where Charlie has the louche demimonde of whores, porn stars, rock musicians, etc making appearances at his Beverly Hills manse. The show would be a perfect venue for Charles to do his tiger blood bitchin' gnarly rock star warlock from Mars riffs, raves and rants. And here's another great idea: What if Charlie did a public auction or lottery where he offered the winning bidder three nights of hanging with the Sheen. Just three nights of supreme debauchery. Set the opening bid at a million dollars and see where it goes from there.
Charlie Sheen...American Idiot Hero.